The Anniversary of the First Year of my Husband's Passing

 

Today I am having a tea in honor of my beloved hubby on the anniversary of his passing.
I can't believe that it's been a whole year and yet it seems like only yesterday. Even though I know he's gone, I still find it hard to believe.  I'm using his Ohio State insulated cup that our daughter gave him. It's filled with Lipton tea...none of that "sissy, flavored tea", in his honor. Growing up in Ohio, he was a huge Ohio State fan. The candle, from our youngest son and DIL that they brought back from Notre Dame Cathedral, will be lit. I'll be serving his favorite dessert, which can be found here.

Even though I've had a year of sadness and heartache, in many forms, here is what I have learned about grief and loss this past year:

Grief never really leaves us and is certainly unpredictable. Just a memory or a thought will trigger tears. Where would I be if I didn't have these thoughts? I've realized that tears are blessings of my wonderful life with Rich.

Self pity is to be expected, but cooking, baking, crocheting, reading, sewing, blogging and doing things with my grandchildren have kept me busy with projects.

All things take time. Rich's clothes are still hanging in the closet and are still in his drawers. His office is still not cleared. One day, I'll be able to deal with it.

Trying to understand the death of a loved one, as with so many things in life, DOES NOT LEAD TO PEACE.

Find childlike wisdom and humor whenever you can. My three year old granddaughter kept asking where Papa was. I would reply, "He's in heaven." When I finally knew that it was time to sell his car after many months, and she didn't see his car in the garage any more, she asked , "Did Papa take his car with him?". She would also ask, "Is Papa coming back?" I would tell her that he wasn't. She answered, "It's not fair!" I guess that's a first lesson in how life is not always fair.

Talking about your loved one keeps their memory alive.

I have realized that I'm stronger than I thought.

Being with family and friends adds joy and purpose to my life.

Some holidays can be worse than others. For Christmas, I couldn't bear the thought of sitting at the dining room table, so we didn't. Valentine's Day was hard; Mother's Day was not. Not having the father of my children here on Father's Day was especially difficult. You just never know how all these "firsts" will affect you.

There will always feel like a piece of me is missing with Rich gone from my life. A friend wrote me and said that there will always be a void and nothing will ever replace it. Life is forever bittersweet.

I tried a Grief Support group at my church and found that it didn't help me. You must do what feels right for you.

Family and friends keep his spirit alive through acts of unending kindness.

My never ending faith has sustained me.

Even though my beloved Rich is gone from my life, I have only to look in the eyes of my four children and my grandchildren to see glimpses of him. Yes, he lives on in them.

Rich will forever hold a place in my heart and being married to him for 43 years was a gift. I'm not sure how the next year(s) will be, but I have survived this year.   Thank you all for helping me through this journey along this first year of grief. You have lifted me up through your thoughtfulness, kindness and prayers. I have prayed for peace and strength, and God has helped me.   I  have come to the realization that we are in charge of our own happiness, and we must live our lives with thankfulness. 

I am sharing this with:


Make It Pretty Monday
Tea Time Tuesday
Tuesday Cuppa Tea
Friends Sharing Tea
Tea Cup Tuesday
Share Your Cup

Thank you for your visit! xo

Rainbow Revelation

Before my dear hubby, Rich, passed away, he made his wishes known to our family that he wanted to me cremated.  His favorite spot to take the family, and where he taught the grandchildren how to fish and have fun on the four-wheeler, was at our friend's, Tommy and Laura's farm,  in Arkansas.  That was where he wanted his ashes to be scattered. 

On October 5th,  as the sun was beginning to set, our oldest son took me on a ride on Rich's prized four-wheeler, and we met the rest of our family, including our daughter, two other sons, two daughters-in-love, six grandchildren and our friends, at the spot where Rich loved to fish. With tears in my eyes, all six of our grandchildren greeted me with clusters of red roses, from our friends' rose bush.  Our oldest son gave a speech honoring Rich and then scattered his ashes in the pond and under the oak tree.  

As we were hugging, crying and soothing each other, it started to drizzle on the pond, as the sun was shining and setting behind us.   Our friend, Tommy, said, "The only thing that would make this more perfect, would be if there was a rainbow."  Less than two minutes later, the most magnificent RAINBOW appeared in the sky.  We all stood in awe, completely feeling Rich's presence and God's promise.  

This was the single most spiritual event of my entire life.  What a gift this was for all of us present and a memory that will be etched in our hearts forever....truly an epiphany!   

I am sharing this with:
Make It Pretty Monday
Tips, Tutorials and Tidbits
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            Thank you for your visit.  xo

Loving Hands

Richard "Rich" Allan Penrod

July 3, 1949-August 16, 2013

My dear, sweet husband, who had been battling prostate cancer for going on eight years, passed away on August 16th. Rich was always the trooper, going through surgery, anti- hormone treatments, so many different kinds of meds, a clinical trial at MD Anderson Cancer Center, twenty-five months of chemo, more meds, radiation, and then finally there wasn't anything left to try.

The last three months, he slowly declined by sleeping more and not being able to do as much. About 2 1/2 weeks, before he passed away, he started sleeping so much more than usual. The oncologist recommended that Hospice be called. They were wonderful, but really it was the loving hands of all of our family that came through for him. All four of our children came and slept at our house and we all took care of him. The last week of Rich's life, he slept 24 hours a day in a hospital bed, right beside our bed. On the last day, our whole family was at home,  when he took his last breath and passed away.

Rich and I had been together since our freshmen year of high school and we married in 1970. He was always my protector, my rock, my strength and our "go-to-guy" for family and friends. I always felt completely loved and adored by him and I will cherish every special, precious memory.  One special memory, during one of his last days was, when Rich felt my breath near him, he reached for me to hold him and he puckered his lips to kiss me. What true love that was for me and I will never forget it. Another sweet memory was when our youngest son played Rich's favorite song "You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin'", by David Allen Coe, and we all held hands and sang along with it, while the boys lifted him up to sit.

Rich and I always held hands when walking or going anywhere together.  Our hands were committed together in raising our family and being loyal and faithful to each other.

The best gift of the last few days was realizing what phenomenal grown children we raised.  They all became nurses, caring and loving the man that taught them their life lessons. I wrote the following words to express my gratitude to them, our daughters-in-love and other family members and friends:

Loving Hands

When a baby is born into this world, a family is gathered to hold, caress and embrace them.

So too, when dying, a family is there to soothe, love, honor, and respect their loved one.

Through his guidance and actions as a son, husband, father, papa, brother and friend, we learned lessons in loyalty and commitment.

Our family's hands joined together to comfort this wonderful man and to release him to eternal peace.

While we had the privilege to care for Rich, so many others reached out their hands to nourish, protect, and love us, for which we are so grateful.

Rich will be forever missed, but his memory will live on in all the lives that he touched.

Rest in peace, Rich Penrod.

We love you!

Kitty and Family

Thank you to all of my friends,  for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers,  during this difficult time.  Please continue to pray for our family. 

I am sharing this with:

Make It Pretty Monday

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Share Your Cup

Seasonal Sundays

               Thank you for your visit!  xo